If Michael Jackson were still alive, this is what I would tell him:
Dude, you are placing WAY too much value on your “missed childhood”. I don’t know what you think you missed out on. To me, the best things about childhood were having someone else take care of my bullshit and not having to worry about how bills were going to get paid and being blissfully unaware of all the bad guys and hopeless shit in the outside world. All 3 things that a mega Pop Star can enjoy for their entire adult lives if they don’t totally fuck shit up. Michael, you didn’t miss your childhood, you bought yourself a permanent one!
And what is childhood, really? You dont start remembering shit til you are like 5, and by the time you are 13 you are SO ready for that part of life to be over. So the missable part of childhood is 8 years of innocence and naivete and birthday parties and chasing friends on the playground and generally not knowing what the fuck is going on in the world. I would say net/net Michael got his childhood, and then some.
And most of the reasons Michael thinks he was robbed of a childhood are the things that suck about EVERYONE’s childhood. Join the club, crybaby:
- Dad was mean – everyone thinks their Dad is mean. And Joseph Jackson was definitely a piece of shit Dad. But most people who have a Joseph Jackson dad don’t get to spend their adult life doing whatever the fuck they want and living in the lap of luxury to help them forget how mean Dad was.
- Forced to do stuff I dont want to do on a daily basis - For most kids, this is called school. For Michael Jackson, this was called singing and dancing and performing and making friends with Smokey Robinson and Dianna Ross and touring the country and practicing.
- Pressure – To our adult minds, the pressure of being the family breadwinner seems like an enormous burden for a little kid to shoulder. But to a little kid, I doubt there is much difference between that pressure versus the pressure of being forced to sing the solo in the Christmas musical or join the swimteam or play little league or any of the other scary and embarrassing activities everyone’s parents make them do.
- Can’t wear what I want – for me, this was the FAUX tretorns and vans my mom would trick me into. Or the horreinous Osh Kosh B’Gosh jumpers. For Michael, a sequined Nehru jacket and bell bottoms. What the fuck is the difference?
- I just want to be a grown-up ASAP – So Michael was thrust into the adult world a little bit early. In exchange for his forfeited childhood, Michael Jackson never had to work in a fucking cubicle one day of his life. I’m just saying – most people who have a childhood similarly “shitty” to Michael Jackson’s do not get to complain to Elizabeth Taylor about it.
- Gotta go to bed early – Bring on the fuckin Propofol!
RIP MJ, I hope Dr Conrad Murray is brought to justice. If dating skank hos were a crime, he would be on death row already.
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