Bitch du Jour

Dlisted’s Michael K truly is my blog soulmate. For the past month, I have been telling anyone who will listen about the awesomeness of the CAMISECRET. (Half the time I couldnt remember the name and was calling it the CamiWizard or CamiGenie). The commercials, which only seem to air late at night on my cable channels, are high-larious. They feature ridiculous vignettes of women wearing low-cut blouses in the office, with their tittays popping out left and right. “Tired of embarrassing nip slips at the office? The camisecret is the answer to your prayers!!!”

And now, Michael K has featured the CAMISECRET as his HOT SLUT OF THE DAY for 8/16/2010!!! CHECK IT OUT!!

Dlisted’s HOT SLUT OF THE DAY is the CAMISECRET!

Popularity: 6% [?]

I still find it startling when Billy Mays starts yelling at me from beyond the grave. Aweseome Auger commercial just woke me the hell up.

Popularity: 4% [?]

good god, don’tevenreply.com makes me laugh til it HURTS

you must read today’s entry

Popularity: 4% [?]

Guess who won a casserole tonight??!!?!?!?!?!?! ME!!

It was at a neighborhood charity raffle, so details are TBD, but all night long I was telling anyone who would listen that I WOULD WIN THE CASSEROLE. and i did!!

YIPPPPEEEEEE!

Icing on the casserole is that i am very amped up about 2 local charities that i will be working with….yay!!

Popularity: 2% [?]

George Harrison got his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame today. Well deserved!

I love that Jeff Lynne and Tom Petty were representing for the Traveling Wilburys at the dedication ceremony, in addition to Paul McCartney being there. I LOVED me some Wilburys back in the day. But where the hell was Ringo? What could have been keeping him busy? (Not signing autographs, that’s for sure!)

George Harrison

Popularity: 9% [?]

Ok, the title might be a bit much. But (bit + much) = bitch, so I think we’re ok.

According to msnbc: Police are seeking a woman they said used a false identity to get breast implants and liposuction, then skipped town!!! BALLSY!! (titty?)

I’m surprised we don’t hear more cases like this. Anyone peddling goods and services for credit these days should be doing some serious diligence to make sure they are going to get paid!!

I wonder if I could dig up my old fake id and get some free plastic surgery. My messed up mammals would have to wait behind the nose job, tummy tuck, and upper arm-reduction that I desperately need.

Ballsy boob job

tHanks Hank!

Popularity: 1% [?]

…it will be (partially) due to the fact that SOMEHOW the speakers on our home computer are picking up a weird gospel radio station and I can’t make it stop. Muting the volume on the computer does nothing to stop this alien radio station from invading our house! And there are no volume controls on the speakers. Where the fuck is this music coming from? “Luckily” the gospel music is very faint and it is usually drowned out by the tv and/or the satellite radio that are blaring non-stop…But HOW does the satellite radio come through the same speakers that are whispering the weird gospel music at the same time?? I DON’T KNOW and this is part of why I am about to foam at the mouth over this. 

And, I know what you are thinking, so last night I called for temporary silence so Shane could confirm that this is not just more intergalactic coordinates being communicated to me by the mother ship. Shane heard the music too. I think this is the handy work of the man who lives in our walls.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Now that the peanut epidemic has finally died down, there is a TATER recall. NO!! Get well soon, taters!

The taters are being recalled from Giant and Stop & Shop. We don’t have those down here but they are in Virginia, Maryland, Delaware, and the District of Columbia (Giant) and Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, New Hampshire, New York, New Jersey and Maine (Stop & Shop).

Tater recall

Popularity: 1% [?]

You have probably already surmised that I hate people. Yet I continuously put myself into situations where I am forced to interact with people…and it is kind of fun! Shane thinks it is just so that I have something to write about on BdJ. Case in point: yesterday’s yard sale. Yard sales bring out all walks of life, and we certainly saw a varied assortment yesterday. To me, yard sales are a necessary evil…I can’t just throw away or give away something without TRYING to squeeze a penny out of it. And squeeze pennies, I did….

Ingredients for a perfect yard sale:

• Good peeps – I joined Tillie, K, and J for a raucous day of yard-selling. Group yard sale is way better than individual yard sale. With all 4 of us combined we had a shitload of stuff. RANDOM STUFF.
• Crap – One man’s trash truly is another man’s treasure. You would not believe some of the stuff we sold yesterday. Including the broken XBOX. (And yes I DID disclose that it was broken).
• Drinks – champagne is a must if I am going to get up at 6 a.m. on a Saturday.
• Good location – Plaza Midwood rocks it.
• Good attitude – As much as the champagne and comraderie helps, yard sales are generally a giant pain in the ass that involve getting up early, dealing with sketchy people, and lifting heavy stuff, all for a minimal amount of cash. I tried to stay positive but I think by the end my battitude was out in full force. And I scared off some shoppers by answering “FUCK NO” when they tried to bargain with me. Whoopsy.
• Advertising – craigs list, posters, and balloons did the trick. We had a lot of traffic. Although we did get yelled at because one of our signs was pointing in the wrong direction.
• Warmth – if you can’t wait til a warm season to do your yard sale, make sure you have a fire pit. The fire pit yesterday was perfect, and by the end of the sale we were breaking up wooden items and putting them into the fire to keep warm.
• CASH MONEY – be sure to bring change!

So, when all was said and done the Bitch walked away with $200 toward the travel fund. I guess it was worth it. My back is killing me and I am definitely not leaving the house today! Temporary $200 cha-ching….I wonder how long it will take Even Stephen to come along and deliver his obligatory CHA-CHONG.

Popularity: 2% [?]

I would like to give a shout-out to Continental airlines for not sucking NEARLY as much as U.S. Airways.

Here are some reasons:

Food – Continental fed us!! For Free!! I seriously couldn’t believe it! I was 3 rows from the back of the plane, which on a U.S. Airways flight would mean that MAYBE, if I was LUCKY, I would get to pay $5 for a gnarly snack box with pre-mixed tuna salad and hot pink apple sauce – they always run out of the $7 wraps and salads WAY before they get to my row. But on Continental, they had a salad, a delicious burrito, and a Twix bar for everyone!

Drinks – On Continental, non-alcoholic drinks are FREE too! U.S. Airways charges $2 for water and coffee and do not give refills on the coffee (not that I give a damn about the coffee, but this is principle). Plus, Continental charges only $5 for a beer and U.S. Airways charges $7.

Blankets – Continental’s blankets are bigger, thicker, warmer, and made of much better material than the sorry little blue wash cloths presented as “blankets” on U.S. Airways.

Reason why I will still suck it up and fly U.S. Airways every chance I get:

CONTINENTAL DOES NOT HAVE A DIRECT FLIGHT TO SAN FRANCISCO

CHA-CHONG!

Popularity: 1% [?]