Bitch du Jour

Looks like girlfriend is going to jail today. Maybe I will start my celebrity jail-mail that I always fantasize about. She is my birthday mate, after all….I let some good opportunities slide with Martha Stewart and Michael Vick.

I like to think LiLo has at least 2 or 3 more shenanagans (sp?) left in her before she is actually in the clink….hang in there Lindsay….none of this shit is worth getting killed over. Maybe your mom will bring you some Carvel ice cream on visiting day.

Popularity: 6% [?]

You know who’s having a beer and chuckle right now?

Alec Baldwin and Christian Bale, motha fuckas!!!

**It is taking me a long time to do a thorough write up on Mel, but I promise, it is in process. Let’s just say “BLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ME!! and I’ll burn the house down!!!!” is my new “GOOOOOOOOOOOD FOR YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!”

Popularity: 4% [?]

If you’re going to go down, you may as well go down hard, Lindsay Lohan!!!

I would have gone with fuck-you fingers for my big day in court too.

Popularity: 4% [?]

This reminds me of one of my favorite old games: HOW DRUNK?

How fucking drunk do you have to be to try CPR on a possum? And this, coming from a girl who used to insist that the car be stopped on the way home late at night so that I could pet a possum with a stick. And no, “pet a possum with a stick” is not a euphemism for something even grosser than petting a gnarly marsupial with a stick. I JUST LOVE ANIMALS. Especially those who can hisssssssssssssssss. But riddle me this: when did we get all formal and start calling possums “Opossums”? I blame Oprah.

(Also found in some old editions of “How Drunk” – taking a dump on the steps of a Fraternity House, eating crabs out of a trash can, accepting a ride from a stranger with a knee length penis, attempting to buy crack!!! Let’s play “How Drunk” again soon!!)

 Playing Possum

Popularity: 11% [?]

It was in the high 50’s today. But maybe snow tonight??? I WANT SPRING!!

Happy March to you all! That was the quickest Feb ever!

Popularity: 12% [?]

if you are pregnant, YOU ARE NOT A DUDE!

There is now another “pregnant man”. And this time, both “dads” started out as moms!! (Lest the photo mislead you)

Dude, you’re not a dude

Popularity: 11% [?]

I just had a flashback of my dream last night:

I was at In-N-Out burger and didn’t know how to order!!

RANDOM

I don’t know why I was so panicked in the dream. As we all know, I come to EVERY dining experience equipped with a gameplan, whether there is a secret menu or not.

I would get a cheeseburger, fries, and chocolate milkshake.

I have never been to In-and-Out because they do not have them where I live. But I also think the burgers-only concept is boring and lame. Those french fries better be damn good.

Popularity: 12% [?]

Ok, I need to talk about my “He’s just not that into you” tears some more. Because the scene that is making me cry is a scene that features 2 of my LEAST favorite Hollywood Celebrities: Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck. And now I am realizing that ANOTHER of my ”go-to cry” scenes also features Ben Affleck! How can this be? I hate that mug. But even if I am just thinking about the scene in “Good Will Hunting” where he gives the “Best part of my day” speech, I cry like Jimmy Swaggart. But I like crying. Crying is cathartic. That’s why I love the Biggest Loser. A 2 hour cry fest every week!

What is your go-to cry?

Popularity: 12% [?]

It is always so weird to me when I see my hometown of Fredericksburg, VA mentioned in the news. I forget that the Burg is a part of the real world. To my mind, the Burg is more like a Brigadoon-esque locale, where time stands still unless I am there.

Anyhoo, the latest news from the Burg is that, according to Perez Hilton, alleged girlfriend-beater Chris Brown was sighted playing basketball at the University of Mary Washington last Tuesday. EWWWWWWWWW. Chris Brown, you are NOT WELCOME in my burg. Go back to Newport News or P-town or wherever it is you came from. SCRAM!!

Fredericksburg is also where that Stanford guy was caught in February.

AND we got name dropped on the Sopranos and the Wire.

Why do all these bad guys come to the Burg? Probably to go to Allman’s BBQ and  Carl’s icecream.

VIVA LA FREAKSBURG!!

Popularity: 11% [?]

Pistachio recall, yo.

1 MILLION pounds!!

http://cnnwire.blogs.cnn.com/2009/03/30/calif-plant-recalls-1m-pounds-of-pistachios/

Popularity: 11% [?]