Bitch du Jour

Well folks, it is August 1, which means the Summer of Dummers has come to an end.

Calm down. In this case, “Summer of Dummers” = July 2010, when we were lucky enough to hang out with kimmers, aka DUMMERS, not 1, not 2, but 3 different weekends in 3 different states!! 12 glorious days of the month were fully kimmerfied. Can we please make this an annual tradition?

Summer of Dummers was characterized by a couple of things:

• French
• Frogs (seems redundant but not)
• kimmers
• music
• Excessive amounts of alcohol (now THAT’s redundant!)

On the French tip, I have been parling Francais like crazy. I think the quote of the summer was “Il ne parl pas jukebox”. My French skills were picked up from French 1 in highschool and a couple of trips to Paris, so my parling is pretty much limited to such classics as “Au contraire mon frere”, “Zut Alors”, “Voulez vous cuchez avec moi su soir?”, and of course the nouveau classic “Il ne parl pas jukebox”.

The frogs get their own post.

The kimmersing began on July 1, when she was kind enough to come down and visit for my bday. Lesson learned: always check your ticket see which NYC airport you are flying out of – it is a big bummer when you show up at LaGuardia and you are supposed to be at JFK!! You know kimmers isn’t going to let a pesky little road bump like going to the wrong airport slow her down!!  After a fabulous birthday celebration including a Phish concert, several Shane sightings, and America’s bday, we had to say goodbye to kimmers for 10 days….and then the party resumed in NYC.

NYC is my playground. I am even grudgingly embracing the fact that I don’t live there, in the sense that if I am in the Big Apple, it is for fun times only. No dumb work or dumb life interfering with things. Straight up fun times. Our mid-July visit was certainly no exception…we got to meet Baby WBL, had a fabulous (but hot as fuck) lunch at Delicatessen with wendy g, karaoked all night in Korea town with kimmer (not kimmerS) and Ltrain, had a celebrity sighting at Crispo, hopped over to Hoboken to meet Baby APH and have some yummy brunch at Lua, dined at Bottino, were introduced to The Standard Hotel, and of course managed to squeeze in 3 visits to Johnny’s….THE BEST BAR IN THE WORLD!!

I can honestly say, I spent more money at Johnnys on the jukebox than I did on my drinks. And this was no small feat. At one point I almost got into a tussle when I put a $20 in the jukebox and some dumb bitch had the nerve to observe: “Wow, 55 credits, you must not give a shit what anyone else in this bar wants to listen to”. Really dumb bitch? I thought that was tattoed across my forehead. Pay attention. We closed down Johnny’s Friday and Saturday night – Bazooka Joe shots are da bomb! – and then decided to make it the last stop of our trip on Sunday Funday. Rut ro. When I think of the term ”harsh light of day”, I think of Johnny’s. Walking into Johnny’s when it is light outside REALLY makes you do some self-examination. It is cause for some pause. (And the conclusion should be that you are not nearly as big a loser as the traveling circus that hangs out at Johnny’s during the day). In true DUMMERS fashion, we dilly dallyed at Johnny’s and were majorly late getting to the airport, where we attempted to give up our seats so that we could go BACK to Johnny’s. I think we can all agree that it was for the best that we got on our flight. But wow that was fun.

The last leg of the Dummers Tour took us to Williamsburg, VA. Speaking of hot as fuck. We had so much fun, we had to extend our trip!! Kingsmill rocked the house. It was so great to see so many of our peeps and all of the adorable kiddies!

I hate that the S.O.D. is over, but don’t worry folks, the Summer of 2010 still has another good month left….ENJOY!!

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Phish was so much Phun! Thanks to PtothemuthafuckinH for getting us the tickets. MANY thanks to kimmers for flying down from NYC for the occasion! kimmers never met a Phish show she didn’t like.

The set list was AWESOME, including Sparkle (our wedding song!), Stash, and the most amazing encore ever, The Beatle’s “Day in the Life”…holy shit that was amazing!

Here is the complete set list:

Set 1: Buried Alive > AC/DC Bag > Vultures, Wolfman’s Brother, Back on the Train, The Wedge, Mexican Cousin, Stash, Sparkle > Chalk Dust Torture

Set 2: Drowned > 46 Days > Twenty Years Later > The Lizards, Carini > Fuck Your Face > Also Sprach Zarathustra > You Enjoy Myself^[1] -> Proud Mary^[2] -> Get Back^[3]

Encore: A Day in the Life

 [1] Fuck Your Face and Moving in Stereo teases.
[2] a cappella.
[3] Phish debut; a cappella.

Notes: This show featured the first Fuck Your Face since April 29, 1987 (1,413 shows) and the first Proud Mary since March 1, 2003 (113 shows). YEM contained Fuck Your Face and Moving in Stereo (The Cars) teases. Proud Mary and Get Back were performed a cappella during the YEM vocal jam and were interspersed with Dong Work for Yuda (Frank Zappa) and Slow Ride quotes. Get Back was a Phish debut.

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i can’t believe it took me 37 years to pee into a Tervis Tumbler on my bday

CHEERS!!

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I was rocking my new Burberry espadrilles today….and I just came across this pic….looks like Amy Adams has the same FABULOUS taste in kicks!!

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I quit my job. And although I have changed jobs a bunch of times due to moving or internal transfer or LAYOFFS, I have never really quit a job just to go take another better job. It was awesome. I got to be a short-timer for like a month. (Turns out, I was a short-timer all along).

Popularity: 2% [?]

OMG WE HAVE FULL TRUCKER EFFECT ON OUR COMPUTER AND I CAN LISTEN TO ALL MY MUSIC AND EVERYTHING YAYAYAYYAAYYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

stay tuned for some updates!!

Popularity: 3% [?]

…are you?
Carlos sent me this excellent and nearly comprehensive list of bitches as written by a 3rd grader. (There is a page missing). THANKS CARLOS!!
http://andiamnotlying.com/2010/types-of-bitches/

Upon review, I am a 6, 12, 20, 21, 26, 29, 41, 62, 68, 69, 74, and 88. If I must pick just 1, #29 CRAZY BITCH it is!!

6) Got all that mouth but can’t step bitches
12) Ain’t got no damn sense bitches
20) Loud mouth bitches
21) Pissy bitches
26) Bitches that be ignoring you when they know they can hear you
29) Crazy bitches
41) Bitches who think they hard
62) Stain on your pants bitches
68) Protecting their store bitches
69) Pajamas outside bitches
74) Psycho bitches
89) Short bitches

Here is the full list. Which Bitch are you? Carlos = #32. Shane = #79. Mommy’s Pretty = #27.

Types of Bitches

1) Dirty dumb ass bitches
2) Aint got no ass bitches
3) Dusty trick bitches
4) Fishy bitches
5) Don’t know how to fight bitches
6) Got all that mouth but can’t step bitches
7) Ugly looking bitch that think they all that
8) Can’t keep a man bitches
9) Track wearing bitches
10) Bitches that be trying to steal your man
11) Hoochie looking bitches
12) Ain’t got no damn sense bitches
13) Stupid bitches that act dumb
14) Bitches who can only get a dirty boy
15) Want to be jocking bitches
16) Bitches who think their man love them but get pregnant and be left alone
17) Bitches who think they better than me
18) Instigating bitches
19) Talking behind your back bitches
20) Loud mouth bitches
21) Pissy bitches
22) Stingy bitches
23) Funky looking bitches
24) Short hair bitches
25) Spanish bitches who think they all that cause of their hair
26) Bitches that be ignoring you when they know they can hear you
27) Staring in your face bitches
28) Big eyed looking bitches
29) Crazy bitches
30) Nappy tender headed bitches
31) Booty shorts wearing bitches
32) Coast-signing bitches
33) Dick riding bitches
34) Whipped bitches
35) Buck tooth bitches
36) Cheesy teeth bitches
37) Same wearing clothes each day bitches
38) Ghetto bitches
39) Hair dyeing bitches
40) Wearing shoes that be talking bitches
41) Bitches who think they hard
42) Bitches that think they get money
43) Bitches that go to a dirty school
44) (page missing)
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59) Gay bitches
60) Stanky fishy coochie smelling bitches
61) Tomboy bitches
62) Stain on your pants bitches
63) Dry scalp dandruff bitches
64) Dirty hair bitches
65) Stealing bitches
66) Stinky feet bitches
67) Big gap bitches
68) Protecting their store bitches
69) Pajamas outside bitches
70) Ragly braid bitches
71) Stanky butt bitches
72) Greedy bitches
73) Slimy grimy bitches
74) Psycho bitches
75) Drug dealing bitches
76) Geekin’ bitches
77) Suntanning bitches
78) Goofy looking bitches
79) Triflin’ bitches
80) Skanky bitches
81) Mugging bitches
82) Sloppy bitches
83) Dirty fingernails bitches
84) Dirty sock wearing bitches
85) Uncreative bitches
86) White bitches that think black people poor
87) Conceited bitches
88) Tall bitches
89) Short bitches
90) Jealous bitches

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Who is Justin Bieber? Where is Diana Ross? Why is Vince Vaughn up in here? Why is this video 8 and a half minutes long? Who are all these other randoms? For every one person I recognize (disdainfully), there are 5 more whom I have never laid eye on before. Overall thumbs down, but I am glad that they gave a little shout out to rap/hip hop, since it didn’t really exist last time there was a WATW. But truthfully, all WATW will pale in comparison to the image of Carlos singing WATW – including ALL of the old school voices - in the shower at the Frat House…..

Popularity: 6% [?]