I am never going to get caught up at work. I have been working from home (for real) since 9 a.m. on this glorious summer Saturday, and just to torture myself a little more, i decided to put on the VH1 top 20 countdown so that I can see how bad today’s music is. It is really really really really bad. Here is my assessment of the Top 20, on a scale from horrible to good. I didnt have time to write down the names of the songs, but does it really matter? (no)

20. Plain White T’s – ok

19. Usher – ok

18. Black Keys – good

17. Jason Derulo – horrible

16. Goo Goo Dolls – bad

15. Kris Allen w Pat Monihan – ok

14. The Script – bad

13. Kesha – horrible

12. Mike Posner – bad

11. Lady Antebellum – bad

10. Mumford and Sons – bad

9. Adam Lambert – bad

8. B.O.B. with Paramore – ok

7. Train – ok

6. Taylor Swift – bad

5. Katy Perry – bad

4. John Mayer – horrible

3. Rihanna/Eminem – ok

2. Paramore – ok

1. Sarah Bareilles – ok

So we have 1 good, 8 oks, 8 bads, and 3 horribles. I liked the Black Keys song a lot, but if I never hear any of these songs again, that will be fine by me.

And now, to contrast, I am listening to Casey Kasem’s Top 40 countdown from August 28, 1971. (CHANNEL 7 ON SIRIUS SATELLITE RADIO, BITCHES!) I just popped it on to hear Joan Baez belting out “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down”, which puts a cap in the ass of any of the jokers listed above. Stay tuned for the top 20 from way back when….39 years ago wowza. Shane was half a fetus and I was just a glint in my daddy’s eye.

Dlisted’s Michael K truly is my blog soulmate. For the past month, I have been telling anyone who will listen about the awesomeness of the CAMISECRET. (Half the time I couldnt remember the name and was calling it the CamiWizard or CamiGenie). The commercials, which only seem to air late at night on my cable channels, are high-larious. They feature ridiculous vignettes of women wearing low-cut blouses in the office, with their tittays popping out left and right. “Tired of embarrassing nip slips at the office? The camisecret is the answer to your prayers!!!”

And now, Michael K has featured the CAMISECRET as his HOT SLUT OF THE DAY for 8/16/2010!!! CHECK IT OUT!!

Dlisted’s HOT SLUT OF THE DAY is the CAMISECRET!

I sent this pic to Failblog today. Please click here to vote for it and maybe we will end up on the home page!!

http://cheezburger.com/View/3819103744

This photo was taken in Charleston, SC, at Burns Alley Bar, last night, so it is super fresh!

*Although, it kind of seems like the sign was purposely written for a Failblog submission, right? Maybe I should have submitted this pic instead. Same bar, different fail…my brar up in the shopping cart!! We said hi to it last night!

2 special frogs made appearances during the Summer of Dummers: Franklin and Franklin.

Franklin 1 jumped onto my leg at the Phish concert (perhaps during “Lizards”?). I just know it was my baby girl Pepper checking in to wish me a happy bday. Franklin 1 was the tiniest frog any of us had ever seen! He was smaller than my thumb nail! And had fabulous taste – he liked hanging out on the lovely Alexis Bittar cuff from the kimmers collection. I released Franklin 1 into the bushes at Verizon. Hope ya made it little guy!

I honestly had no idea what kimmers was talking about when she was referring to the little froggy as Franklin…until we got to Johnny’s 2 weeks later…

Meet Franklin 2, aka Fbomb. Apparently kimmers won him at some (crack) street fair and he now lives at Johnny’s in a special cage and only we can take him out and play with him. Because we are Johnny’s royalty, you see.

You should have seen the Sunday afternoon bartender try to come correct on shane when he removed Franklin for one last play date. shane is fully authorized! 

Fbomb loves Alexis Bittar too!

FROGS ARE FUN!

It is almost more fun when you see a Z lister than an A lister. Like the time shane spotted Jared Fogel, of Subway weightloss fame, at LaGuardia.

So shane and I were standing in front of Crispo, not minding our own business, when none other than JOHN TESH and CONNIE SELLECA wandered into our world. They got out of a town car with a granny and a teenage-ish daughter. They looked very confused, so shane finally asked if they were looking for Crispo and pointed them inside!! Too damn funny. SHANE DROPPED SOME KNOWLEDGE ON JOHN TESH!!

So, only about 50% of the people who have heard this story know who John Tesh and Connie Selleca are… JT used to be the host of Enertainment Tonight and now makes weird new age music. Connie was the Jennifer Love Hewitt of about 25 years ago. She is actually the reason I noticed them – she is still stunningly beautiful with raven black hair. *wendy g was able to confirm that Connie also starred on the TV Show “Hotel” for 5 years back in the 80’s. Thanks wendy g!

Well folks, it is August 1, which means the Summer of Dummers has come to an end.

Calm down. In this case, “Summer of Dummers” = July 2010, when we were lucky enough to hang out with kimmers, aka DUMMERS, not 1, not 2, but 3 different weekends in 3 different states!! 12 glorious days of the month were fully kimmerfied. Can we please make this an annual tradition?

Summer of Dummers was characterized by a couple of things:

• French
• Frogs (seems redundant but not)
• kimmers
• music
• Excessive amounts of alcohol (now THAT’s redundant!)

On the French tip, I have been parling Francais like crazy. I think the quote of the summer was “Il ne parl pas jukebox”. My French skills were picked up from French 1 in highschool and a couple of trips to Paris, so my parling is pretty much limited to such classics as “Au contraire mon frere”, “Zut Alors”, “Voulez vous cuchez avec moi su soir?”, and of course the nouveau classic “Il ne parl pas jukebox”.

The frogs get their own post.

The kimmersing began on July 1, when she was kind enough to come down and visit for my bday. Lesson learned: always check your ticket see which NYC airport you are flying out of – it is a big bummer when you show up at LaGuardia and you are supposed to be at JFK!! You know kimmers isn’t going to let a pesky little road bump like going to the wrong airport slow her down!!  After a fabulous birthday celebration including a Phish concert, several Shane sightings, and America’s bday, we had to say goodbye to kimmers for 10 days….and then the party resumed in NYC.

NYC is my playground. I am even grudgingly embracing the fact that I don’t live there, in the sense that if I am in the Big Apple, it is for fun times only. No dumb work or dumb life interfering with things. Straight up fun times. Our mid-July visit was certainly no exception…we got to meet Baby WBL, had a fabulous (but hot as fuck) lunch at Delicatessen with wendy g, karaoked all night in Korea town with kimmer (not kimmerS) and Ltrain, had a celebrity sighting at Crispo, hopped over to Hoboken to meet Baby APH and have some yummy brunch at Lua, dined at Bottino, were introduced to The Standard Hotel, and of course managed to squeeze in 3 visits to Johnny’s….THE BEST BAR IN THE WORLD!!

I can honestly say, I spent more money at Johnnys on the jukebox than I did on my drinks. And this was no small feat. At one point I almost got into a tussle when I put a $20 in the jukebox and some dumb bitch had the nerve to observe: “Wow, 55 credits, you must not give a shit what anyone else in this bar wants to listen to”. Really dumb bitch? I thought that was tattoed across my forehead. Pay attention. We closed down Johnny’s Friday and Saturday night – Bazooka Joe shots are da bomb! – and then decided to make it the last stop of our trip on Sunday Funday. Rut ro. When I think of the term ”harsh light of day”, I think of Johnny’s. Walking into Johnny’s when it is light outside REALLY makes you do some self-examination. It is cause for some pause. (And the conclusion should be that you are not nearly as big a loser as the traveling circus that hangs out at Johnny’s during the day). In true DUMMERS fashion, we dilly dallyed at Johnny’s and were majorly late getting to the airport, where we attempted to give up our seats so that we could go BACK to Johnny’s. I think we can all agree that it was for the best that we got on our flight. But wow that was fun.

The last leg of the Dummers Tour took us to Williamsburg, VA. Speaking of hot as fuck. We had so much fun, we had to extend our trip!! Kingsmill rocked the house. It was so great to see so many of our peeps and all of the adorable kiddies!

I hate that the S.O.D. is over, but don’t worry folks, the Summer of 2010 still has another good month left….ENJOY!!

omg it is hot as fuck. We literally saw the thermometer go to 108 in our car on Saturday. in VIRGINIA, where it is also humid as fuck.

stay cool people.

Have you spent the first hour of your day (6am to 7am) on the phone with Cisco? Regarding your Wireless-N Home Router? No? Then you are having a much better day than I am. Glad I could cheer you up.