Oprah is a whore

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OH YES I DID

Fuck Oprah, and the horse she pretended to ride in on. Oprah is the biggest phony baloney of all time. She presents herself to be a subject matter expert on EVERYTHING, especially those things she knows nothing about. Specifically, relationships and children. Oh, and weight loss. Maybe Steadman is  a beard, maybe he is a chump. Maybe Gail K is her lover, maybe she is her best friend, or both. Maybe the students in South Africa are her “daughters”, maybe they are just pawns in her self-serving game. Maybe Oprah has no self-discipline, and maybe her new “thyroid condition” is true…but Oprah is selling her bullshit to an audience that discerns none of the above. How she has lured in the soccer mom, having no expertise or common ground, is beyond me. She is the ultimate snake oil salesman….of herself. And good for her, it is the American way. The fault is with the dumbasses who buy into it. Today was the annual “Oprah’s Favorite Things” episode, where the lucky relatives of important people (read: who are already going to get really really good holiday gifts) get to sit in the studio while Oprah shills her favorite shit. I’m SURE there is no reciprocity. I can’t believe “A Million Little Pieces” wasn’t on the list. Who knew that people want video cameras, shoes, watches, food, kitchen wares, DVDs, bath products, books, appliances with TVs in them, games, ridiculous outfits, and books about Oprah for Christmas??!! The token “green” cleaning kit was nice, but it was still a token. God bless Oprah.

I’m sure it was just an oversight that “schools without molesters” were left off of the favorite things list. I mean, what would you give up in exchange for molester-free schools, the fridge with the tv in it or the sandwich press? Certainly not my new Uggs.

I have watched Oprah a couple of times. My favorite episode was when she admitted to smoking CRACK during sweeps season. Luv u girl. We haven’t heard much about that recently. I watched when she bitched out James Frey too. I must have missed the episodes when she bitched out George Bush and Tom Cruise for their lies. But I did catch the reruns of Tom C jumping on the couch. Thanks for keeping it real, O.

p.s. if you rearrange the letters of Oprah’s name, it spells whore pain fry. nuff said.

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11 Responses to “Oprah is a whore”

  1. shane says:

    Wow, I’m sure glad The Bitch is back!!! I’m right with you on this one even though you missed a little on the Frank Caliendo one. ;-) Oprah bad…

  2. wendy g says:

    What’s frightening is that if Oprah ran for President, she would win in a land slide. People treat what she has to say like she’s the second coming? Oprah says that Hanro bra is the best thing since sliced bread, it sells out around the country. Oprah says Kiehl’s gift boxes are great gifts, well God bless her for that one because I bonused on that shit. The power she has is absolutely staggering. Maybe she should do a show on why to hire Bitch, wendy g and the K in Karin. We’d have millions of offers. How do I pitch that?

  3. Hank says:

    This is more like it. Not being worried about being politicaly correct all the time.

  4. The Bitch says:

    Happy to oblige, Shank!
    But maybe I should be sucking up to O. If she mentioned BdJ on her show, we could sell it to Google for sure!

    Wendy G, tell her I was just kidding. :-)

  5. coots says:

    Oprah is the new opiate of the masses (of idiots). She is the worst in a long line of losers who seem to think their opinions on trivial matters is worthy of the limelight. The only thing I have actually learned from talk shows are some really embarassing white girl dance moves from Ellen (oh, and not to give away my adopt-a-dog and then cry about it – dumbass!).

  6. chole says:

    this is WITHOUT A DOUBT, the most brilliant bdj post ever written. perhaps the most briliant post written about anything by anyone.

    fuck all ya’ll, i be wearing my buzz.

  7. The Bitch says:

    i love my girls

  8. [...] how does one apologize for saying they want to cut off genitalia?? Awkward. I want to rip  Oprah’s clit off. Just [...]

  9. [...] Y’all know how the Bitch feels about Oprah. [...]

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